When the Right Words Fail – The Unavoidable Truth About Distortion, Deletion and Generalization

Introduction
The side effects of Distortion Deletion & Generalization  are everywhere.  They involve communication of people at all levels in government and of all ages.  Improper understanding of the influence of DD&G has ruined lives, destroyed companies and resulted in death. 

But have you ever heard of them? 

Did you even know they exist?

Three Key Brain Functions

Our brains do many things consciously and unconsciously.  With respect to day to day operations and guidance, our brains rely on three key functions:

1. Distortions
2. Deletions
3. Generalizations

The rest of this article will discuss each or these functions.   You will learn why they are important and how they influence your actions.  And you will learn how to use this understanding to improve your communication skills.

Deletions

Imagine you are late for work, fighting your way through traffic and rehearsing your presentation for the quarterly marketing meeting.   You probably don’t even notice a little bit of dust on the dashboard.  Your eyes see it; your brain notices it and quickly filters it out as being irrelevant.  That bit of dust simply is not important.

Depending on what is going on at any given point in our lives, our brain seeks relevance, and filters out that which is not.

Suppose, you are driving  the CEO to the airport . . . suddenly, that dust becomes relevant.

Our state of mind determines our perceptual filters.  Circumstances change our filters.  

We all have perceptual filters. 

Think about the last time you bought a new car, dress, or electronic gadget.  Didn’t you suddenly become aware of every car, dress or gadget that is similar to yours? 

If you really need a customer to sign a contract but are convinced they won’t, it is likely you’ll filter out buying signals and only hear the rejection.

For example, your prospect may ask questions about price but yours are high. 

• Do you immediately assume defeat? 
• Or, do you see the questions as a signal that they want you to build more value into your proposition?  

Effective communicators take responsibility for their filters.  Here is one way:

• Stop, relax and take a breath before assuming anything or responding.
• Ask yourself
  o What am I missing here?
  o Do I have all the facts?
  o What more do I need to know?
  o What if I am wrong?
  o What else could this mean?
  o Is this really important with respect to my larger goal?
• If you are missing key pieces of information, ask the other party more questions.
• Realize you may not have a complete picture and be open to new information.

Distortions

Our daily pressures and desires distort the way we perceive what is going on around us.  These distortions affect the way we respond.   Here is an early example from my childhood.

The last day of 6th grade I was walking with my girl friend and best friend Rich. 

As we were walking, I kicked a rock. 

Rich playfully shoved me exclaiming “you kicked my rock.” 

In my 13 year old insecure and distorted view of the world, Rich was making me look bad in front of my girl friend.   So, I did the only thing that made sense, I took a poke at him.  

Here is what my distortions kept me from seeing:

• My girl friend could have cared less. 
• Rich was just having fun.  
• Rich was an aspiring Golden Gloves boxer, I was a geek.

How do you think that distortion ended? 

Imagine a young boy flying backwards over the hood of a 1957 Ford Fairlane. 

Distortions can be a problem.

How many times has a customer told you “maybe, let me get back with you on that?”  And you waited.  You assumed “I think it is going to work out.” 

And you wait.  You make projections based on pure non-sense.  And you wait. 

How much time, money and opportunity is wasted when distortions lead down the wrong path?

We can’t avoid distortion.  When we take millions of bits of data from our senses, mix them with our fears, hopes and desires and sprinkle in massive amounts of deletion, things get distorted. 

Knowing our distorted map of the world is not reality gives us opportunities to improve our communication.  We can evaluate circumstances and decide which parts of the map are appropriate, need updated or changed and where crucial information is missing.

To develop more useful maps try the following:

• Realize you are responding to your interpretation of reality and interpretations may or may not be correct.
• Question the fundamental assumptions of the map.  For example:
  • Is this about me? 
  • How did I think this was going to work out?  
  • What did I miss or ignore that led me to think this would be different?
  • How was I predisposed to think about this before I started? 
    • Did I think this would go well?
    • Did expect to fail?
  • At the end of the day, does this really matter?
  • Where is my focus?  
    • On myself?  
    • On My Client? 
    • On the “big picture?”
    • On the minutia?
• Am I too close or too emotionally invested in this?  Why?  How does that affect my perspective?

Generalizations

When something happens we notice.  When something similar happens, we begin to “see” a pattern.  As this goes on we make generalizations about meaning, cause and effect. 

A door is a perfect example.  We generalize about how doors,  knobs and locks work.   This saves us time.  If we had to relearn the concept of doors every time we encountered one, we would still be living in caves, if we survived at all.

Generalizations can also be detrimental to our success.   Have you ever assumed “those people would never need my product?” 

Probably the most famous example of a business defeating assumption was made by Ken Olsen of Digital Equipment.   Mr. Olsen said, “There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.”

Consider the following statements and ask yourself which one is true.

He loved his job.  He murdered everyone in his building.

He loved working at the post office.  He murdered everyone in the building.

If you are like most people, the second statement seems true.  Our preconceived notions and generalizations about “going postal” define our map.     Now step away from your map and you will see the serious flaw in logic.

The first sentence encompasses far more.  It could include any “he” in any occupation in any building. 

The second statement refers to a very small subset “he” working the post offices.

There are many more chances for the first statement to be true than the latter.  Our first blush however was naturally to generalize about the perceived stress of being a postal worker.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to keep your generalizations in check:

• What were my assumptions before I ever got into this situation?
• What evidence is there to support my assumptions?  
• How does this situation differ from my preconceptions?
• How effective was I last time I was in this situation?
• Do I need a new strategy?
• How much did it have to delete or distort to make this “just like before?”

The key to effective communication is understanding the structure of communication.   What gets communicated is always a bi-product of the Deletions, Distortions and Generalizations.

How would your life change if you had Disney’s Creativity Strategy?

There are a number of reasons why we may not feel creative at any particular moment.  If you read my previous article “8 Simple Steps to Becoming a Successful Author and Why You Should Start NOW!” you know the story of starting with the “upper left brick.”

 

There is another creative block people often run into I refer to as “the little voice that won’t.” 

 

Maybe you are familiar with it.

 

You have a sudden flash of inspiration.

 

Then, before you have your ideas thought out the little voice in your head (or even possibly from a colleague or friend) starts to criticize the idea. 

 

Or just as bad, the voices start getting into all the realistic details of how to bring the plan together.

 

Critical and Realistic perspectives are absolutely essential to bringing an inspiration into successful fruition.  The problem is not one of the critical and realistic voices; the problem is one of timing.  

 

Our brains and/or well meaning friends try to help us do all three activities simultaneously.  As a result, our creativity is dampened.  The critical and realistic voices feel annoying instead of helpful.

 

The process needs to be sequential and recursive. 

 

Years ago in an NLP practitioner training, I watched Robert Dilts do a great presentation on what he called the Disney Creativity Strategy. 

 

This method works for individuals, departments or large organizations.

 

Two Important Points to Remember

First you must recognize that being a Dreamer, Realist, and Critic require 3 distinct mindsets.  Trying to do all three at the same time only frustrates and slows down the creative process.

 

Second, the Realist and the Critic are as important to the creative process as the Dreamer.  They should be utilized; not dismissed or ignored.

 

Creating Harmony Amongst the Voices

Have you ever been in a poorly run brainstorming meeting where ideas get shot down as soon as they are presented?  Does this ever happen in your head?

 

The key to creating harmony between the Dreamer, Realist and Critic, involves:

·         Making sure every voice is heard

·         Making sure every function is exclusive of the others.

·         Making sure the environment for each voice is conducive to the role of the voice.

 

Environments Matter
While sounding a little “left brained” you should plan to be creative.  Start by setting up three distinct areas.  These areas may be as elaborate or simple as your situation allows. 

 

In some cases it might mean just moving from an easy chair, to desk, to a kitchen table.  I have done this by simply using three differently colored tablets.

 

 

For corporations it might mean building three unique rooms or areas that that are designed to support each specific role.

 

 

1. The Dreamer’s area will be a comfortable environment.  It should include all the things you or your team will need to be creative.

   For example, you may have flip charts, colored pens, white boards, inspirational posters, awards, comfortable furniture, bright lights, appropriate music, and so on.
   

2. The Realist’s area will be less comfortable and more practical.  It could include calculators, budgets, lists, editing tools, good lighting, reference books and articles.

   Basically you want this area to provide the Realist’s with all the tools they need to fully analyze the ideas brought in from the creative area.
   

3. The Critics area will be smaller, uncomfortable, without chairs.  The purpose of this environment is twofold. 

   First, to put people on edge a little bit so they are more likely to speak their criticisms.

   And second, to be uncomfortable enough that no one wants to hang out and just bitch or complain.

    Let’s look at each at each area.

The Dreamer
Start in the Dreamer’s area.   If you have an idea or need to come up with an idea, the best place to do it is here.
 
If you are working alone, use this space to fully expand your idea.  No holds barred.  In this location there is only one rule.

 

NO REALISTIC OR CRITICAL THOUGHTS ALLOWED!

If realistic or critical voices enter into your thoughts, STOP what you are doing and acknowledge the voices.  Remind them that they will be heard very soon, and to please be patient and wait.
 

The Realist

In the creative process the role of the Realist is to evaluate an idea based on the criteria of a real world.  If the idea was a supersonic blimp, the Realist would send the idea back for revision based on the violation of the laws of aerodynamics.
  

Or if there were a really profitable idea, but it involved selling contraband or robbing banks, without a rock solid getaway plan, the Realist’s job is to point out the risks and send the idea back for revision.
  

There is only one rule for the Realist’s Room.
 

NO DREAMER OR CRITICAL THOUGHTS ALLOWED!
 

It is not uncommon, when faced with reality, to immediately start creating solutions.   This is not appropriate in this area.  Nor is it appropriate for the Critic to start slamming the idea as being stupid or whatever.
 

If the Dreamer or Critic insists on disrupting the voice of the Realist, STOP what you are doing and go the appropriate area to jot down the ideas or criticisms.  Leave the creative or critical notes in the appropriate area.
  

If the Dreamer’s idea passes the Realist test, then move into the Critic’s area.  If not, send the idea(s) back to the Dreamer’s area for replacement or refinement.  Let the Dreamer focus on creative solutions. 
 

The Critic

The role of the Critic in the creative process is to be negative.  Their role is to think of everything that can go wrong or be perceived badly.
 

This is the Realist on steroids.  Output from this area might be in the form of “This will never work because . . .”
 

It is no fun being a Critic in this capacity, but it is absolutely necessary to fully develop successful ideas.   I have personal experience with ignoring the Critic inside me.
 

When I wrote my second book, The PC Easy Reader: Because Your are NOT a DUMMY or an IDIOT!   I thought I was really on to something.   Even the Realist in me was happy.  Who wouldn’t want learn something without having to buy a book suggesting they were an idiot.
 

My critical voice kept trying to tell me it was a bad idea because PCs make people feel like dummies and idiots.  Besides, my cover was plain and the subject matter fully discussed. 
 

I didn’t listen to my inner critic and ended up giving away 1000 books I couldn’t sell. 
 

There are only two rules for the Critic’s Room.

 NO DREAMER OR REALIST THOUGHTS ALLOWED!

DON’T STAY HERE TOO LONG.

 The Creative Process

With your areas established and full agreement on the rules you are ready to begin creating.

1. Start in the Dreamer’s area, create wildly without constraints.
   
2. Take best idea(s) to the Realist area and test them against reality.  Ideas that pass muster get forwarded to the Critic.  Ideas that fail are returned to the Dreamer for revision.
   
3. Criticize the Ideas from the Realist.  If ideas can’t be shot down, let them pass.  If they are shot down, return them to the Dreamer for revision.
   
4.  Cycle ideas through the process numerous times until they stand strong in the face of reality and criticism.
    

 This process sounds complicated and time consuming but it is not. 

 It is actually more efficient.  Once each voice knows it will be heard; it stops interfering in processes where it doesn’t belong.  
 

The end result is the development of highly creative, well tested ideas with better chances for survival.

 If the Realist or Critic, insist on disrupting your creative thoughts, STOP what you are doing and leave the creative area.   If the insistent voice is a Realist, go to the Realist’s area and write down its concerns and leave the paper in the area for the future steps.   
 
If it is an insistent critical voice, go stand in the Critic’s area and jot down the criticisms and leave the notes there for future steps.
 
Once the concerns have been addressed, go back to your Dreamer’s room.  Continue dreaming up new ideas.
  

8 Simple Steps to Becoming a Successful Author, and Why you Should Start NOW!

From as far back as the 6th grade I have wanted to be an author.  Before I knew it, I was in my late 30′s and had not written a word other than term papers and business reports.

I just couldn’t figure out what I wanted to write.

Then I read a great book by Robert Prisig titled, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

About the middle of this fascinating book, Prisig describes difficulty he had with one of his students. It seems she had an essay to write and was stuck. She could not think of a thing to say.

The student wanted to write a 500 word essay on the United States and could not think of a thing to say.

So Prisig had her narrow down her topic to Main Street in Bozeman.

Still she could not think of a thing to say.

Finally he narrowed down her topic to the front of the Opera House and to start with the upper left-hand brick.

The student showed up at the next class with a 5000 word essay on the Boseman Opera House starting with the upper left brick.

I immediately realized, my problem was not one of having nothing to say but rather one of having too much to say. I needed a smaller topic.

I decided to get really granular. I picked out one of the smallest things in my life about which I was fairly knowledgeable.

I wrote my first book, 7 Easy Steps to CNC Programming . . . A Beginner’s Guide.

While you have probably never heard of my little book, it has been very successful.

It has sold over 6000 copies in 6 countries and 50 states.

This little obscure book, paid off my school loans, paid for my Master’s Degree and supports my various hobbies.

But that is not all. Having written that book and three others since, has opened up doors for me that I could never imagine.

So when I talk about being a successful author, I am defining success in terms of the benefits it brings into your life. Not whether or not it hits the New York Times Best Seller’s list.

So have you considered writing a book or becoming an author?

Would you be interested in learning a few tricks to get you started?

First, I want to define some terms as I use them.

A Writer is a person who actually writes the book

An Author can be anyone with a book idea who commits to getting the book written. They may write it themselves or they might hire a ghostwriter to do the job.

A Publisher is the person or company that takes responsibility for getting the book printed, promoted, distributed and hopefully sold.

In my case, I do all three. I envisioned the book, wrote it, and have all the responsibility for printing, promotion, distribution and sales.

How you choose to Author, write and publish a book is up to you. Just know that each choice along the way has its pluses and minuses, so look at all your options.

Here are some tips should you decide to self publish.

1. To get started writing a book, probably the hardest thing is to pick a topic you are interested in and narrowing it down.  A key point to remember here is to identify your audience. If you expect to have any commercial success with your book, you need to know who is likely to buy your book and why.I can tell you from experience, your chances for immediate success are much higher if you can identify a tightly focused niche market. Here’s what I learned the hard way. 

   After having great success with my first book on CNC programming, I decided to write a book called the PC Easy Reader: Because you are NOT a Dummy or an Idiot. 

   I thought this was a great idea. Give people a very easy book on PCs without implying they are dummies.

   The problem with my idea was that, everybody in the world has written an introductory book on computers. Not only was the competition extremely high, but I couldn’t possibly afford to play in such a large market space.

   The CNC books by contrast have a very narrowly defined market. I can find my market, appeal to them and afford to market to them.

   With all of this in mind, here are some ideas to help you pick a topic.

   Make a list of all the ways you help people? Most people have developed some expertise that others admire and continually ask them about. If you are a Realtor, it maybe about doing a market analysis.

   List the subjects that you are interested in but have a hard time finding books and information you need.  

   Research libraries and the Internet on some subject that interests you. Use Wikipidia, Google answers and blogs to gather as much information as you care to about your topic. 

    

 

 

2. When you think you have enough information to inspire you and get you started, write the back cover of the book first. This is very important. A well written back cover is like a mission statement. It is the promise to the reader of how you are going to inform or entertain them.
     

    

 

 

3. With the back cover in mind, outline your topic.Think in terms of flow. Identify what a person needs to learn to understand the next step. Continuity is very important, especially with fiction.  

 

 

4. Fill in your outline with the text to refine and support each thought.  

 

 

5. Read you manuscript out loud to a friend, spouse, child or just yourself. You will be amazed how much editing you can do on your own by just reading the words aloud. Poorly written sentences tend to really stand out when you read them aloud. 

 

 

6. Turn your manuscript over to an editor or person you know well that is brutally honest and is more interested in helping you improve than stroke your ego.

 

 

7. Choose a title and design or hire a graphic artist to design your book cover.You have to be a little careful here. Book covers are very important. An unattractive cover will turn potential readers away. Also, just because a person is a good graphic artist, that does not mean they can design a compelling book cover.Go to a bookstore. Look at all the best selling books on your topic. What do they have in common? What makes their titles compelling? 

   Come up with a number of mock up book covers and do some testing. Give a person a choice between two covers and ask them which one of these would you be most willing to pay $10 for? << (insert your price) 

   Continually test covers against each other until you find the one that pulls the highest response.

    

 

 

8. With your best cover and well edited manuscript – select a printer or printing method that best suits your budget and marketing plan.
   

 

Obviously I have left out a lot of details. But the point I really want to stress is that writing and self publishing a book is not that hard.

One thing people tell me all the time is, “boy I wish I had your talent, I have always wanted to write a book.”

I always tell them the same thing.

The only difference between me and everyone else that has ever wanted to write a book is, I just did it.  I committed an hour or two a day until I was done.

It is a lot more about discipline than talent.

There are so many reasons why you should start writing a book right now. Even if you never make a dime off your book,

• you will earn considerable respect from your friends and family.
• As a calling card, your book can set you apart as an expert in your field.
• If you do find a good niche, you can make a lot of money.
• The discipline of writing a book will forever change the way you approach other challenges.
• Your writing in general will become much easier and much better.
• Your book can open up speaking opportunities that may otherwise have been unavailable to you.

But the single, most important benefit of writing a book is the incredible self esteem and sense of accomplishment you get from doing what most other people only dream about doing.

So pick up a pen (keyboard)  and change your life.

Making Your Message Stick: A Formula Based on SUCCESS

If you have not read Chip and Dan Heath’s outstanding book Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die, perhaps now is the time.

The book opens on page 3 with a compelling story about kidney harvesting. It is a hoax, but brilliantly illustrates the point of why some stories stick. For fear of violating copyright, I will not reprint the story here, but instead use one relayed to our CEO.

———-
   Some people who feel wronged by another’s actions may  take  extreme measures to extract revenge

A colleague of ours has a friend that is a successful attorney. Let’s call him Richard. Richard recently returned from a great vacation to the Colorado Rockies.

 

 As he sat in the board room discussing his vacation sunburn and laughing about his adventures, Ed, the senior partner, walked in and quietly moved to the head of the table without saying a word.

 

 Slapping his hand on the boardroom table to get everyone’s attention, Ed, blurted out “We are Ruined!” The anger and frustration in his face left little doubt how serious he was.

 

 He let the full weight of his words settle on the room, Ed took a deep breath and continued.

 

 Richard, on the other hand was wishing he could breathe.

 

“Ok, here’s what happened. . . . Richard you weren’t here but our network was hacked late Thursday night. So, we hired an IT service to help us restore the system. As it turns out, the guy we hired was a disgruntled ex-employee of that Internet firm we sued last year. He is actually the guy that hacked the system. He showed up early Friday stating he was from the IT service we contracted.”

Ed’s  face got beet red.        Richard still couldn’t breathe.

 

“After this lowlife got access to our network, he downloaded all our case files and posted all them on a blog, along with all of our Social Security numbers, salaries, bonuses and so on.”

 

“I found out because Judge Harper called me and asked me what the hell was going on here that we would lose that kind of information.”

 

“Oh, and just for fun, this guy wiped our hard drives clean then took our back up tapes and cooked them in the microwave.”

 

“The only good news I can report is we can retrieve all our files off his blog. But, every pending case is compromised and we can expect be sued by many of our clients.”
—————

 

In their research Chip and Dan identified 6 principles that make stories stick. When you think of these 6 principles, remember SUCCES.

 

In brief the characteristics are:

Simplicity: The message must be “proverb like” simple in its meaning, simple to understand but not necessarily abbreviated, dumbed down or a sound bite. They give the example of the Golden Rule as being a profoundly simple statement that people spend their lives trying to follow.

 

   Example: Some people who feel wronged by another’s actions
   may take extreme measures to extract revenge.

 

Unexpectedness: People learn more and remember the unexpected. When A=B day in and day out, there is nothing to wake up the brain, and get past the gate known as Broca’s area. This region of the brain, positioned near the ear is a powerful filter for most types of neural information. Broca filters by screening out everything “it knows.” If it can see the end coming, it’s not interested, it doesn’t care, and doesn’t pass along the information.

 

A plot twist or unexpected outcome interests Broca, and when Broca is interested, information gets passed along.

 

  Example: A story of success and promotion turns into a
  tragedy about ruination. Curiosity is aroused . Why did the
  business fail.

 

Concreteness: The extent to which a message will mean the same thing to everyone in our audience is determined by the concrete imagery used. Think of some urban legends you have read. Computer hard drives wiped clean and computer set on fire by rogue virus. Razor blades in apples. Concrete imagery anchors the message in our minds.

 

   Example: Disgruntled ex employee, backup tapes cooked in
  microwave, red faces, inability to breathe, slapping the desk, 
  “trip to the Rockies”.

 

Credibility: The more credible the message, the more it sticks. Credibility often comes in the form of references, guarantees, try it before you buy it.

 

Example: Use of proper names, Judge Harper, “A colleague of
   ours” – Slight credibility building, but weak

 

Emotions: If people are going to care about a message, they need to feel something. To varying degrees we are empathetic creatures. Building enough emotion in the characters we describe, helps build emotions , particularly if the circumstances fit within the experience of the audience.

 

   Example: Richard’s breathlessness at hearing his dreams are
  dashed, Ed’s anger an frustration at the ruination of the
  company, Richard’s lightness and laughter at describing the
  vacation.

 

Stories / Story Like: People remember stories far better than facts and data. Stories provide and enriched learning experience. The Bible is based on stories and parables to convey the messages. People who work in highly stressful and dangerous jobs learn from the experiences of others through stories.

 

   Example: The author could have listed dozens of statistics
  about hackers, and security breaches. The story bypasses all
  that and teaches the lesson through the drama of its events
  and characters.

 

This brief summary barely touches on the key points of the Made To Stick. Chip and Dan Heath have provided so many useful anecdotes and lessons that it would be impossible to review them all without rewriting the book.

 

If you get a chance, pick it up. Once you have read it, their message will stick.